


good night, dear heart

by unclaspedkahuna



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Grandpa Harley character study, No Beta read we die like men, Sadstuck, VERY sadstuck please be warned, inspired by dan forrest's good night dear heart, it's about when jade's dreamself dies :(, takes place over the end of act 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28545180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unclaspedkahuna/pseuds/unclaspedkahuna
Summary: You think that a lifetime of death would prepare you to let go but nothing could ever prepare you to grieve.
Kudos: 1





	good night, dear heart

**Author's Note:**

> this is entirely inspired by dan forrest's good night dear heart! i put the lyrics at the beginning. this one is really upsetting, i don't know why i wrote it :/
> 
> if you have any thoughts at all, or literally just anything, please kudos/comment <3 i hate begging but it means a lot to me to hear what people have to say and also just to see how people are receiving what i write :3

_Warm summer sun, shine brightly here, Warm Southern wind,_

_Blow softly here, Green sod above, lie light,_

_Lie light, Good night, dear heart; good night, good night._

You think that a lifetime of death would prepare you to lose; but the name of the game has always been killing, so death has never been a loss. 

You think that a lifetime of death would prepare you to let go but nothing could ever prepare you to grieve.

You watch things blow up from miles away, and you have never lost so you don’t think that it could possibly be bad news. You have faith in your little girl; you raised her to be a fighter _and_ a lover and now she will fight for what she loves. And a little girl like that just can’t lose. Two lovers watch from the back deck of your ship as you commandeer through the skies, passing through the bright clouds of Skaia. 

The planet has been left a mess, the ruins of a game somebody was destined to lose (but lost in a way they never saw coming). Queens have fallen and kings have been left alone; a kingdom is without rule, and soon it won’t even matter. All of this, of course, does not matter to you. You’re only here to pick somebody up. You observe this carcass of a planet objectively, removed from whatever it was that happened here. 

One of your passengers grabs you on the shoulders and points to the ground. You follow his gaze to a clearing of smoke where two young Prospitian dreamers stand- well, one is standing. The other is sleeping, clearly shaken from the recent skirmish that has occurred. You know that girl who is sleeping! Oh boy, are you excited to see her after all this time. You’re glad that she’s taken the time to learn her limits, and learn when she needs some good old fashioned sleep.

You watch as the boy next to her slumps to the ground; he’s probably worn out as well. They seem rather young, after all, and you know this game is no place for a kid.

Your companion points at the boy, and he turns to you. He can barely speak, his voice wavering; “That’s my boy!”

You let out a hearty laugh; this is just good news all the way down. “John Egbert! A good man indeed.”

Both of you look down at him as he takes Jade’s hand in his, fumbling around with a ring on her finger. Your companion’s voice shakes as he breathes, biting back _something_ (and you, a gentleman, will do him the favour of assuming that it is not tears). He isn’t putting any effort into hiding his smile however, every inch of his pearly whites glistening in sweet Skaian light. 

He turns to you again; “He’s an ever better son.”

He lets go of you to return to the woman who has embarked upon your ship, the woman you’ve taken to be his lover.

You land the ship gently on the ground, some ways away from the two kids; you understand this game very well, and you know that you may have to leave them some space. That’s fine by you. All you need to sleep easy at night is to check in and make sure she’s doing okay (not that you don’t have all the world’s faith put into her). 

Everybody unloads off the ship together, taking in the wreckage that has unfolded before you three. Agents of dark and light dead, as if they were only pieces of a game. Blood strewn liberally like fingerpaint. This is no place for a kid; but your daughter is much more than a child. You know if there’s any 13 year old out there with enough grit to take this standing, it is your Jade Harley.

You grab Mr. Egbert before he runs off, pulling him back a little bit. Ms. Lalonde takes a hold of him, holding him still as he practically vibrates in anticipation.

“What, why did you stop me?”

“I don’t know if it’s the best idea for you to go see him.”

“What- why not?! That’s my son!” 

Ms. Lalonde soothes him as you try your best to explain the situation to him. “I know, but he’s at a point in the game where his own independence is going to be critical to him. Your presence in the game could throw him off.”

“You think I would ruin it for him?”

“Well, I don’t want you to be upset over what I say, I really mean it with the best intents Mr. Egbert.” You pat him on the shoulder. “All in due time. It is just all in due time.”

He looks back over to the kids, and his eyebrows furrow a little bit as he watches his son sit, clutching a letter with tremulous grasp. 

“What about her?” He looks to his lover, and it takes her a moment to realize that he is asking her.

“Oh- she’s- uh. She’s not mine.”

He seems a bit confused.

“She’s not?”

“No. I-” She looks out over the expanse of Skaia and wipes her hands down on the side of the dress. “I don’t think Rose is here.”

She looks down at her shoes, and it is the first time you see her without her little tight lipped grin. 

You wish that they could understand, like you, that joy does not mandate reunion. What you don’t know is that you are the only one among you three who does not have something to reconcile. 

“That’s my girl.” You can’t help but boast when you say it. “She’s a real force to be reckoned with.”

The group goes silent as they watch the kids from afar. Jade’s face is hidden as she lies chest down on the ground, tattered hair in every which direction around her head. Her dress is torn, you can see now. Her scattered self tells the story of a warrior, and your heart swells with pride. 

Ms. Lalonde lets go of her lover to take a stand next to you, and both of them are watching you expectantly.

Jade hasn’t moved in a bit.

They are standing there, waiting for realization to hit you. And when it does, it does not feel sudden like they say it will. It is not a train, or a wave; if it is a wave, it is small and unassuming and you only notice it when it starts dragging you out to sea, not when it hits you. Realization feels like an erosive force, and you feel like you’re made of sand.

They don’t try to stop you when you break away, boots never having felt heavier than they do right now as you drag yourself across the chessboard ground. The sound alerts the boy, who turns over his shoulder to look at you, but no matter how loud you stomp your feet it can’t seem to just.

Wake.

Jade. 

Up.

Nothing does. She’s not going to wake up.

You come to stand next to the boy, and you can see that he’s been crying. Your stomach twists a bit; he doesn’t understand how much this hurts. He could never understand how much this hurts. Part of you resents this boy, this boy who Jade so nobly sacrificed herself to save. But her sacrifice only reminds you that Jade’s love for her friends was unbound, and you decide that hating somebody she held so close would only be a disservice to her. 

Her body is limp in your arms when you pick her up and it wrenches your heart; quite literally, it feels like somebody has stabbed a wrench into your heart and is now loosely fishing around for something they won’t find. You nod at the boy, watching him wipe away his single tear, and carry Jade back to your ship. Ms. Lalonde and Mr. Egbert stand, holding each other’s hands. They dip their heads a little when they see you, and you can tell that they’re upset too; no parent ever wants to see a child gone for fear that it will be theirs next. And in this game, there’s always a real chance of that.

They wave you goodbye as you enter the ship and you understand that this is where your paths diverge. You nod them goodbye as well, dead weight in your arms stopping you from giving a proper salute. Somehow, formalities feel inappropriate right now.

You take her to the top deck, laying her out next to you while you ready the ship to leave. You’ll deal with taxidermy traditions later. For now, you just want to show Jade the view; it’s beautiful from up here, despite the spoils of war littered below. 

Jade always loved the view from the clouds. The only thing that could have made her skywatching better is if somebody had been there to watch with her.

You hate yourself for not having been there. You don’t think it would have changed what has happened here, but that’s not really why your absence upsets you.

You don’t really notice when you start crying, only that your vision has gotten a bit blurry from the tears. 

You think you hear Jade tell you that it’s going to be okay, but you think twice of it.


End file.
